Monday, February 22, 2010
Has it really been 5 years??
This is me 5 years ago! I was 25 years old, had just had my first baby, and had not even imagined how wonderful my life was about to become! Oh sure! We had prayed for a baby, we had longed for a baby, we had ached for a baby, we had lost a baby. But none of that had prepared me for how truly wonderful motherhood would be. None of that prepared for the emptiness I would feel when I was away from him. Or for the pure joy when I see him smile. Or for the rage the fills me when I hear of someone who has hurt a child.
Becoming a mother completely intensifies every emotion I've ever felt. I've loved before...but not in the complex way that mothers love. I'd hurt before....but not like I do when he hurts. I'd cried before...but not like I do when he hurts and I can't fix it. I'd felt anxiety before...but not like I do thinking of all the things that I could do wrong. I'd laughed before...but not like I do when he says things that are so funny, and I wonder where he gets his sense of humor. Oh how I love that boy!
There are no words adequate enough to completely describe how I feel about being a mother. It's everything I've ever wanted. And more. Much. Much. More.